Returning to Work: A Love Letter to the Mothers Figuring It Out

There’s something no one really prepares you for: the emotional whiplash of returning to work after having a baby.

On one hand, you’re excited to use your brain again, have adult conversations, drink a hot coffee without someone climbing you like a tree. On the other hand, you’re carrying this quiet ache — the part of you that still wants to be in the safe cocoon of early motherhood, even if those days were messy, exhausting, and full of tears (yours and theirs).

I have two toddlers, and both times, returning to work felt like learning how to walk again. My legs were the same, but everything else inside me had changed.

The Morning You Get Ready for Work Hits Different

There’s this moment — maybe you’ve felt it too — where you’re getting dressed for work and your child is tugging at your leg, asking you not to leave. And you have to swallow that lump in your throat because you know you’re doing what’s best for them and for you.

But it still stings. And nobody talks about that sting enough.

It’s Not Just Going Back to Work — It’s Going Back to Work as a New Version of You

I think the hardest part was realising that the woman who left for maternity leave was not the same woman who came back.

She’d stretched — emotionally, mentally, physically. She’d learned new strengths that don’t fit into a CV:

• Sitting in discomfort

• Balancing 50 tabs in your brain

• Managing meltdowns with patience you didn’t know existed

• Functioning on broken sleep

• Loving so deeply it hurts sometimes

But she’d also changed in ways she didn’t expect: You’re more sensitive. More tired. More aware of what really matters. More protective of your time, your energy, your boundaries.

Walking back into work carrying all of that feels like wearing a new skin no one else can see.

The Guilt Comes Free of Charge

Here’s the truth I had to learn the hard way: Mum guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing the wrong thing — it means you care. It means your heart is in two places at once.

And that is the real definition of motherhood.

But guilt doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you’re transitioning. It means you’re adjusting to a new normal and we’re allowed to take our time with that.

You Don’t Need to Do It Perfectly — You Just Need a System That Holds You

When I returned to work after my second baby, I realised how important it was to have rituals that grounded me. Not routines (those change every five minutes with kids), but small rituals that reminded my nervous system, “You’re safe, you’re doing enough, breathe.”

Things like:

• Sitting in the car for 60 seconds and releasing the workday before going inside

• Drinking water intentionally instead of surviving on coffee fumes

• Setting one boundary at work that protects my evening

• Scheduling “nothing time” because overstimulation is real

• Giving myself permission to rest without earning it

Tiny rituals kept me from burning out. Tiny rituals helped me reconnect with myself. Tiny rituals made me feel human again.

And Then There’s the Other Side of It

Returning to work also gave me something unexpected: Moments of clarity. Moments where I remembered who I was before children — and who I want to be now that I’m a mother as well.

There’s a version of you that exists outside of motherhood. She still matters. Her dreams still matter. Her goals still matter.

Returning to work can be the bridge back to her — gently, slowly, without losing the mother you’ve become.

If You’re Returning to Work Soon, Here’s What I Want You to Know

You are not alone in the overwhelm. You are not the only one crying in the bathroom at work. You are not the only one feeling torn every single day. You are not the only one mentally sprinting from meeting to meeting and then switching to “mom mode” without even taking a breath.

You are doing the impossible — every single day — and making it look effortless, even when it doesn’t feel that way.

You are allowed to ask for help. You are allowed to set boundaries. You are allowed to want your career. You are allowed to miss your kids and still enjoy work. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to grow.

And most of all — you are allowed to take this one day at a time.

This transition is not meant to be survived alone.

If you need support… you deserve to have it.

Because mothers need holding. They need permission to soften. Permission to receive. Permission to be human again.

Motherhood is heavy. Returning to work adds another layer. You don’t have to carry it alone.

You’re doing enough. You are enough. And you’re allowed to be supported too.

With love,

Dr. Kershia Perumal-Gengan